As I sit here and meditate on all that has happened in our family this spring I am resting in the fact that God is in control. As I long for that day when the call comes and the person on the other end tells me that our child has been matched with us, I know now that the Lord is allowing it to happen at a time when things in my life slow down a little bit. We have been at the top of our agencies' list since March 11. It has been officially 6 1/2 months since we began our wait...1 year and almost 2 months since we began the process. I knew it would be a long journey, but I honestly never expected it to be THIS long before we were matched with our baby. Yesterday I found out that another family in our agency was matched with their baby boy. I was thrilled for them, but at the same time a HUGE pang of jealousy and almost anger flooded me. I didn't really know how to respond. I felt like screaming...WHY GOD!?!?! I feel so ready, but for some reason she is not ready for us. We hear all of the time how orphanages in Africa are overflowing with children, but for some reason the orphanage we work with hasn't had one baby girl for 2 months. I don't get it. I carried my cell phone everywhere with me for about a month and now I don't even bother with it. So many things have happened in the Ethiopian adoption world. We were hoping to receive our referral before the two trip policy was implemented, but that didn't happen. Now, we have to travel twice...once for the court appearance, and then for the pick up trip. I don't know how I will be able to leave my child once I have held her. What a difficult thing that will be. I guess it will allow me to see my baby sooner. What an experience this is going to be. We had our FTIA play group at our house this weekend and it was so wonderful talking with the ladies. There were 4 of us there...all at different stanges in the adoption. One mom had her baby home. It was so awesome seeing baby "E" home and in the arms of her mommy. The joy and pride on her momma's face was overwhelming. Another mommy is waiting for her embassy appointment to travel to pick up her son "A". She was moved to tears holding baby "E". The longing for her son is almost unbearable. My heart went out to her. She is becoming a dear friend. The other mommy is still in the paperchase phase and will be a first time mom. She was so observant...taking it all in...longing to be a mommy. I am so excited for her to be on this journey to parenthood. Then there was me....waiting to be matched with my little girl. Hoping and praying each day that the phone will ring....saying every Monday that this will be the week we get "the call" only to get to Thursday evening and realize another week has gone by and no phone call. I know this all seems sad and depressing, but sometimes I feel like that. Believe it or not, I have remained very positive. I keep myself fairly busy with the kids and their activities. Preschool is done for the summer, soccer will be finished this week, the kids school will be finished next week, then summer camps and summer activities begin. I look forward to a few lazy days. We put our garden in and are busy doing the yard work so that is quite time consuming. Mowing 5 acres is VERY time consuming. Nathan turned 4 on the 11th of this month and we will be having his party this weekend. It will be fun watching him with all of his little friends. I am blessed beyond measure. I just long for my family to be together. Well...enough for now. I will be on again. It is good for me to get my feelings down.
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